Why do I hate going to church so much? I woke up today wishing Keller weren’t so far away. In the beginning, I didn’t mind driving forty miles to hear Brandon speak because he was dynamic and his sermons provoked questions and deep thinking. Lately, his messages seem disconnected and haphazard. I don’t look forward to Sundays anymore, and they used to be my favorite day of the week.
If I am honest with myself, I know the issue is not the church. The problem is me. My spiritual condition has suffered during the last few years as I’ve traveled this road of disillusionment and frustration. I mentally contest every truth shared by local pastors, and I’ve grown to distrust most religious leaders. I can’t seem to get over the wounds I encountered from the conservative zealots who used guilt and condemnation to produce results. My perspective is skewed, and I filter every spiritual truth through the lenses of skepticism and doubt. Know wonder I dislike the sanctified eleven o’clock hour of torture I endure each week!
I don’t know how to fix this. I want to encounter God, but I don’t find Him at church anymore. I see him in the faces of my fourth graders as they rough-house in my backyard during an after TAKS celebration party. I recognize His presence when I share personal struggles with precious friends like Penny and Debbie. I hear His voice through the gentle, reassuring words of my husband who reminds me I’m beautiful and worthy. I sense His spirit when I’m attempting to set boundaries with my often overbearing siblings. God is everywhere, yet I cling to this archaic idea that I must experience Him within the walls of the church.
I desire spiritual depth. I long to feel connected to my Maker. I crave a vibrant, healthy relationship with Jesus. But I’m stuck. And I don’t know how to keep moving forward. Solutions seem elusive, and my old demons whisper, “Tenille, you will never be enough . . .”
My students were watching Finding Nemo the other day, and a particular line from the film lingers in my mind. I can hear it now as it reverberates in my head, bouncing off the walls of my brain . . .
“Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming. . . ”
God, please help me. I feel like my faith is drowning.
Are you in a small group at your church?
Fellowship with other believers is one of the best ways to stay in touch with God.
No. Actually I am not. Although, I do have amazing friends outside the church who nourish my soul and help me grow in my faith. Does that count?
Everything counts.
I do believe "church" as we know it is driving the younger generation away. No matter where I live, there always seems to be a separation between generations.
Older people (though you may consider me older) were taught to see God in a more authoritarian way. So their worship tends to reflect it. Younger generations are seeing God as someone who can matter in our everyday, moment to moment, lives.
I don't think most churches today have made the jump toward the younger generation. Some do, most don't. So we have a whole generation of unchurched folk who feel like Sunday church is tired, something their forced to endure.
I don't have any easy answers. Honestly, established churches with the older mindset fight tooth and nail to keep the status quo.
If this church is not meeting the spiritual need in your life, then maybe start a small home group Bible study once a week.
I do believe it is imperative to have a faith partner. Someone who believes as you do and will talk about their walk/your walk together. God never designed us to be alone, not in love, and not in our daily walking and obedience.
I heard once Satan's best thing to do is isolate us. I don't know if Satan does that so much as he uses the opportunity to weaken our faith.
So don't isolate yourself!
@ Lobsterhunter: Yes, having any support group will work. I just said small group because it's a more structured system you might be able to find through the church.
You've actually got something there, kudos zoo. :CONGRATS:
A) Because communion with God is far too important and complicated for the average person to ever try on their own. If they do, clearly they will screw it up, and quite often start having these crazy pipe dreams about actually loving your fellow man and giving up a life of materialism. The church makes it easy! They take away the burden of having to think for yourself by telling you what to think. The only thing you need to make it work is obedience.
In order for the church acting as intermediary (or access point) between you and God, naturally a little compensation is in order. 10 percent of your income is appreciated (before tax of course)
I have missed for the last few weeks. I sometimes find my mind wandering and it's like I'm a little kid again checking out people's shoes as they go to communion. Now I just people watch. I try. I pray. I think I'm in the same boat except I don't make myself go every week. I also drive about 25 miles to my church. It is a very open minded church. I have always had issues with the churches that teach "what we believe is right, what everyone else believes is wrong, we're going to heaven, they're not".
Zoo,
I always look forward to reading your comments. As Tony the Tiger would say, "They're GRRREAT!"
Nice job here of listening and encouraging WITHOUT offering some "instant solution" or "quick fix."
~SH80
I appreciate everyones thoughts and encouragement. It's nice to know I have fellow strugglers . . .
I wish life came with an easy button . . .
http://www.oculuspress.com/picture$512
Then again, the search for answers is half the fun, right?
I'm not sure if it's all that fun...but...it's interesting either way.
~Zoo
Hi - Perhaps it would help to explore Christian Mysticism, which is about going deeper into the unmediated experince of the Christ. There are some sites, but I kind of like this one: http://www.christianmystics.com/
I'm a new Christian, so I am not at the same space as you, but remember James 2:17. By that I mean, live, really live and love as Christ would. Living as Christ would (despite my complete screwing up that undermines me every single step of the way, it seems) helps me to grow closer to God. Do not be discouraged by your church, be encouraged that you are part of the Body of Christ and as such, there is always someone somewhere who needs Christ's love that will come through your hand.
I will pray for your continued strength and patience,
your brother in Christ, Buddah M
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