You can't walk on egg shells. Why aren't you out on service? Nobody told me. It's never what it's supposed to be.

What ever it takes. The truck will be here at 1pm. What did I say this time.

When do you think it will be done? It will be done as soon as possible we are working as fast as we can.

Which part should we use? Which ever part you want us to use. Do you want to work Saturday?

We are going to 10 hour days and Saturdays. It is a free country.

Would you like to work 7 days a week for 3 months, it is voluntary?

Just think of the millions we'll make. We have a problem. Wait to tell me for 15 minutes.

What do you want me to do next? Clean up. We have been through this before.

The medical insurance and retirement plan have been canceled. I'm thinking positive.

I'm laying everyone off. If everyone takes a pay cut we might be able to open the doors.

The IRS sent their auditor to audit a synagogue.

The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”
“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.
“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.
“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer.

So he thought he’d try another question, in his obnoxious way. “Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?”
“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS.”
“To the IRS ?” questioned the auditor in disbelief.
“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “directly to The IRS …And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you.”

It's weird being the same age as old people!  

Paddy is dying. He says to his best mate. As they lower the coffin into the grave would you pour a bottle of whisky over it . His mate says yes Paddy I will do that for you but can I pass it through my kidney's first

Schrödinger's door...

Or.... if my previous post wasn't funny enough, what about this?

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.