One of my favorite people will be going in for cataract surgery next week and I thought it would be nice to start a thread to wish him well or at least leave him in stitches.
Ed I hope all goes well and here are the;
Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear During Surgery
1 Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
2 Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card?
3 Damn! Page 84 of the manual is missing!
4 Everybody stand back! I lost a contact lens!
5 Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie
6 Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
7 "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
8 Whoa, wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
9 "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, he's got two of 'em
10 What do you mean "You want a divorce?"
The best of luck to you, Ed.
21. Don't worry, we've done this op 54 times already... simulated...
Good luck with the op Ed. I know it will go ok, my dad had this op twice (he had two eyes ) and was ok each time. Unfortunately he still couldn't see where his wallet was...
22. Any one seen my watch?
23. dam I spilled my coffee, he wont feel that for a bit.
24. If sucessfull he will be the most realistic transgender I've ever done.
25. Egor... get me the electrodes.
26. doh, that's gunna hurt.
27. get the paddles stat!!!.
29. I think i just threw up in my mask.
30. Look hes a hand puppet!!!
Best wishes ED, may your procedure go well and your recovery speedy.
There are a bunch of sick puppies around here. Seriouly though, thanks for the wishes. I'll keep an EYE on what they're doing to me, and besides, I have the protection of the Po list I'm on....I think?
Christmas a little early for you this year.... Sight, I hope you have 20/20 vision by the time their done.
All the Best and Merry Christmas Ed.
That's because the surgeon also did the famous "wallet biopsy", Fuzzy.
31: While I have him on the table, his wife wants me to tweak his implant.
32: Ooooops! Never mind, I have a plastic surgeon colleague who could use the business.
33: Nurse! Just because the covering sheet is rising down there, it doesn't mean you need to take a peek under it.
34: Oh darn! It's just like whenever I need to take the lawn mower apart, I've got left over parts.
35: Just think, after the op it'll be worth renewing your subscription to Playboy.
As for #33, a theatre nurse once told me that often happens... male patients getting aroused while under anaesthetic, that is.
All the best Ed, I have had that done nothing to it , you will be fine
36. "Wasn't there 3 sponges, when we started?!"
Good luck Ed.
37. "Nurse,make sure my lawyer is on speed dial this time"
38: I hope your eyesight hasn't improved that much that you notice I added a couple of extra zeros to my original bill.
That's magic even Randy can't "POOF" to make happen.
That's because he's using the wrong incantation! "ED-ED-ED... rise-Sir ED-ED-ED-ED... rise Sir ED...ED-ED-ED-ED" simply sends the wrong message.
They gave some Viagra to Ed, but Wiz, your incantation counter-acted it and the nurse had to resort to other measures.
You were lucky that they did that much... they put me in traction to stop me rolling out of bed.
Trouble was, that was only on one leg, which meant sometimes I was left hanging upside down.
Surgeries are over. I had the right eye done on the 21st and all went without a problem. Seeing 20/20 now..........WOW. Unfortunately the left eye I had done on the 28th has not faired as well. I have a follow-up on the 31st to see what can be corrected. Damned my luck. The Cap'n may have to send me his patch. Thanks to all of you who pulled for me, your support is always so welcome and needed in stressful times.
Hope they are able to make whatever corrections they need to the left eye, don't want you walking around in circles. Oh my.
Just so ya know, we're still pulling for ya! Hang in there Ed.
Good luck
With your luck the Nurse in recovery looked like this (I'd sue!):
That was my nu;rse! OMG. I wondered about the rolling over problem and asked why an eye doc needed to do a DRE. At least my hind site will be 20/20.
Glad all went well, Ed.
Will keep my fingers crossed and my prayers up-to-date for your next appt, Ed!
If I had been your nurse, there would have been NO rolling over problem... one look with your much improved vision and you woulda rolled over with great ease... to look the other way.
I sure hope they can correct that for you.
Mark...I hope you know it's all in fun, mate! Put Shaunna to work on some shops!
Of course I know it's all In fun. That's why I join in with self-disparaging remarks and auto-recriminations (that's sort of like the opposite of auto-eroticism).
Besides, I'm too darned lazy to take offence... takes more (mental/emotional) energy than laughing/smiling, and I ain't expending any more than I have to.
Thanks, mate. I'd never wish to hurt a friend's feelings...even inadvertently.
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