Signs seen at the restaurant workers' pep rally.
"EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS AFTER THEY PICK IT"
"NO CRACK MINING AT THE KID'S MEAL STATION"
"PLEASE DON'T SNEEZE IN THE CARRY OUT BAGS"
"REMEMBER TO SMILE AND SAY WELCOME TO FLUFFY'S FOOT LONGS"
A chicken farmer went to the local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered champagne. The woman said : "How strange, I also just ordered a glass of champagne." "What a coincidence," said the farmer, who added, "It is a special day for me. I am celebrating" "It is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" said the woman "What a coincidence." said the farmer. While they toasted, the farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child for years, and today, my gynaecologist told me that I was pregnant." "What a coincidence," said the man. "I am a chicken farmer and for years all my hens were infertile, but now they are all set to lay fertilised eggs." "This is amazing," said the woman. "What did you do for your chickens to become fertile?" "I used a different rooster," he said. She smiled and said... "What a coincidence!"
Who did Harrison Ford take to the Star Wars reunion party. Noone he was Solo.
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As a woman was leaving the bank, she suddenly remembered she had forgotten the car keys inside.
She went back and asked everyone, but no one had seen the keys. She searched her purse again.
"Oh no! I left the keys in the car!"
She ran to the parking lot in a panic—only to find the car missing!
She called the police, reported the car stolen, gave them the license plate number, and admitted the keys were left inside.
Trying to calm down, she nervously made the hardest call of her life—to her husband. Stammering, she told him the car had been stolen.
He thundered back, "I dropped you at the bank—you didn’t take the car!"
She sighed in relief and thanked God, then asked him to come pick her up.
Her husband replied, "Sure I’ll come... just as soon as I convince the police I didn’t steal your car!"
You know you're in a redneck church when...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.
Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) "Billy Bob's Barbecue".
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
Very good.
Very, very good.
Thanks! Hoping BDBF and RnD see it, too.
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