yesterday i had a visit from the cold case police informing me that they had a suspect and want me to go to court and try and get a conviction.
20 yrs ago a stranger broke into my flat raped and tortured me at knifepoint and then hounded me day and night for 7 months trying to get in and kill me. i had police come but he was never caught. now they have found him due to new dna techniques. i have never been so distraught in my life and was on the floor shaking and sobbing, it was as if it had just happened. he ruined my life and still 20 yrs on fills me with fear. i have to go to court and face a dreadful ordeal coz i need closure. he may not be convicted coz i am gonna be judged for what i am and my lifestyle. i have tried for years to find forgiveness in my heart but i cant, its so painful and living alone i had no one to comfort me. i had to run to my doctor who thankfully has sedated me as i dont know what i would have done.
the police were very kind and are going to support me through this coming ordeal, i may have to be moved for my safety away from my home and friends. yesterday i felt so alone and afraid. i am still trying to find a way to forgive but its difficult. i dont have any faith which i know helps some ppl, my life has been too full of abuse and pain to even hope there is a god looking out for me. i am not writing this coz i want sympathy i just dont want to be alone.
i am back living in fear and cant stop crying and shaking, how can one person do this to me? i may not be an avergage person but i am human and have feelings. all my life i have tried to stop others suffereing what i have endured, but forgiveness is so hard.
After 2 days giving evidence at the trial last week, an awful experience, today the jury retired and came back with a guilty verdict. The cost to me over the past 21 years has been huge and esp these last few months. I had a recent diagnosis of PTSD since 1990-today lifted me from the depths of despair. I will be having specialist counselling now to deal with the trauma before i can move on. he will be sentenced at the end of august and i will be there to see justice done.
I have had so much support from ppl and i am deeply grateful and touched by you all. sorry i havent been on for ages but my creativity left me.
love to you all, a big hearted community of great ppl x
Glad to hear justice was done. Get treated, and get busy living.
Maybe now that this horrendous stress has been lifted and you will be getting counseling to deal with the aftermath, the muse may come back. Just an FYI, I don't know if you're on them, but when I was on antidepressants I couldn't create to save my life.
It's really good to know this is over for you, and we'll be seeing your pretty face around here again!
Glad to hear it's finally over for you! Now you can put it behind you and move on.
great news lou... thanks for coming back and letting us know...
the good news is.... if you can go through all that.... you can do anything... all things are possible... use your counselling to springboard yourself to a whole new you....
It's good to see you again, Lou, and I am pleased that you are now able to move forward with this guilty verdict closing the door on that aspect in your life. He will now spend several years behind bars and you can make plans for a happier future for yourself. All the best to you in your future endeavours and may you always be touched by sunshine in what ever you do.
Oh, and no need to apologise for not being around of late We understand and hope that you can spend more time here now that you're entering a new chapter in your life.
Thanx guys-i am still in shock-once the therapy is over i plan to leave london and move to the coast for a quiet new life.
need to be weaned off all this medication which really fuddles me lol hope to get back to my old self some time soon
Yeah, one step at a time, you'll get there.... and with best wishes from everyone here.
Loukeeya! My Dear Dear Friend! Have been searching for you and hope you read this. I never forgot about the trial and have worried so much about you. Thanks to Google I found you here and finally learned the full story of your horrible ordeal.
Correction, I did learn a lot from another forum you posted to but looked like you'd lost contact there.
Being so far away in the USA plus being an invalid I don't know how much help I can be to you, but hopefully my sincere affection will come across and be a little help and soothing to your soul.
Babe, whenever you become overwhelmed by the pain, remember what I am going to say here. Maybe my words will do a bit to help you realize that horrid person did not really damage your beautiful soul. In fact, you are a saint because you turned your suffering into love for others. You never (that I could see) wallowed in self-pity to the point where you lost your compassion for others. In fact I feel as though because you were suffering you did all you could to help others be happy. I imagine you think I'm just saying these things to make you feel better, but look back at things I've written to you before I ever knew about your trauma. I was always singing your praises and thanking you for helping me.
I know pain, Sweetheart, slowly losing the ability to live my life plus being close to death too many times. So I know a good person who loves others despite her pain when I see her.
Oh, I can't say all I want to say here because this isn't the right place. Please get in touch with me unless you just do not have energy to give to me. I don't want to hurt you by my wanting to be in touch.
I'll be here for you no matter what.
Rita
this site has private messaging..... just click on her name....a red box will come up to alert her next time she logs into the forums... might be the best way to go...
Nice, syd. Nice!
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