After years of the same standard of products, Stardock announces a change in the Consumer Products division. Angela Marshall, former VP of Operations, was named as the new President of Consumer Products. This change came after years of market research and change in the global market. “I know what needs to be done with this company, and I will get it done”, says Marshall.
Marshall is a 14 year veteran of the company and has seen it grow from a three person shop to around 75+ employees and contractors. “We feel she has a firm grasp on what our customers want”, says Mike Crassweller of Stardock’s publishing group, “we are excited to see what these changes will create”.
Marshall held a company press conference early this morning explaining the business plan that she has created for the upcoming year. “It’s bold”, says Shirley Hendzell of Stardock, “But I like it!” Other comments from Stardock staff were positive and all acknowledged that tough economic times require drastic changes to stay competitive.
Stardock will not release the entire new plan, but Marshall did talk about some highlights: “We will be closely looking at our product lineup and revamping a lot of it to meet some key market areas that we are not reaching,” Marshall said. “I feel strongly that we are missing out on female, metro-sexual and alternative lifestyle customers.” Marshall announced that the first project to be put in play will be a Sins of the Solar Empire spin off called “Pink Space Ponies”. “Pink Space Ponies is a phenomenon from the original Sins of a Solar Empire game. It created fan sites as well as a booming business in Pink Space Pony hats.” After doing research, we discovered that she was correct. The Pink Space Pony site can be found at: http://www.thespaceponies.com/ and a hat can be purchased from: http://www.darkstaroutpost.com/.
Marshall stated that the changes will not stop there. “We need to revamp our infrastructure.” She said. “Computer programmers are typically male, mainly because more men get programming degrees. However, I feel that we need more females involved in the game process to make the games appeal to our female customers. Elemental is one of the titles that I have been reviewing. It’s great that it is fantasy based, but it definitely is lacking a “Brad Pitt” like character for the women to connect with.”
Marshall also announced layoffs of all the support personnel to make way for hiring out of work hairdressers. “I feel that customers would rather talk to a caring customer representative than a technical geek. Sure, they might not actually get their problem solved, but they will feel good about themselves.” Any other changes to be made? “Of course!” states Marshall, “We also have plans for more pink, purple and baby blue suites and themes for MyColors and WinCustomize”.
If you have any comments or suggestions for Angela Marshall, please email them to: April1@stardock.com
You're replacing Zubaz with his brother? Crude.....
He'll get paid more, too.
And have that excecutive pension package.
And all of the booze I've been sending as bribes but he's apparently not been getting. Now we know why.
Booze...that was supposed to go to Zubaz? Ooops....
I'm sure he'd share anyway, right? Just think of it as helping him overcome his bad habbits.
Now I know how Annatar got all his karma.... Transported booze via the lack of ass to Stardock members under the harsh and brutal watch of Frogboy!!!!!! LOL
Honestly, I don't even want to imagine how this particular contraption would work.
Ah, I get it. Trade secrets. Im on to you Trebeck.....ummm...I mean Annatar.
LOL! Good one. "Shirley Hendzell"... I almost forgot that nickname! I was just thinking "I don't remember a Shirley... I remember a Curt..." Highlander... I'd watch those new hairdressers coming in... they like cutting hair just below a pony...
~Nickie
Clearly your detachable ass can be used as a smuggling compartment.
Although this does not beat the Bigon hoax from Discovery in 1996. I remember reading that as an undergrad
OMG WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT! GENIUS! ....hey wait a sec... YOU LYING SON OF A B*%$#!
Too obvious...
I'm gonna have to slap someone....
Please Ignore
Marshall stated that the changes will not stop there. “We need to revamp our infrastructure.” She said. “Computer programmers are typically male, mainly because more men get programming degrees. However, I feel that we need more females involved in the game process to make the games appeal to our female customers. Elemental is one of the titles that I have been reviewing. It’s great that it is fantasy based, but it definitely is lacking a “Brad Pitt” like character for the women to connect with.” Marshall also announced layoffs of all the support personnel to make way for hiring out of work hairdressers. “I feel that customers would rather talk to a caring customer representative than a technical geek. Sure, they might not actually get their problem solved, but they will feel good about themselves.” Any other changes to be made? “Of course!” states Marshall, “We also have plans for more pink, purple and baby blue suites and themes for MyColors and WinCustomize”.
The US Congress took over Stardock too? I didn't realize Stardock took part in the bail-out package.
Jafo, check yer mail, and PM.
Does this mean I can save time by scheduling a haircut while talking with customer support?
April fools ha ha.......(stardock you're weird)
Marshall said. “I feel strongly that we are missing out on female, metro-sexual and alternative lifestyle customers.”
Well stadock just went down the drain. So much for family values. I have yet to hear any other company make such a press release. That's just weird language there. I understand it but its weird for pc games. If stardock contracted housing then I can understand how a rediculous statement tlike this could be made, not that anyone would want to. I just have to ask, where did that stuff come from? Is Ms. Marshall a female, metro-sexual or an alternative lifestyle human being? I pretty much figured we are all human beings I didn't know we were categorized. And what does this have to do with pc games?
This is what happens when a socialist agenda is implemented in a free country. Crap! Well atleast Hillary wasn't elected. If that were the case we would have skipped the socialism and jumped to communism.
HEY! That's a great idea for the next Galciv Project. To boost your cultural influence or keep the population happy build pink pony riding facilities.
As for hair dressers: Dunno would probably be a good idea to hire some as support staff supervisors or to hold courses in customer orientation.
I'm a metro-sexual female that lives with monkeys...is that so wrong? It's also yet to be proven that I am indeed "human". Jeeze...so judgemental.
That's a contradiction since metrosexual is specifically describing males. So, your statement can be as disturbing as someone's mind can make it, especially combined with:
Not at all, especially if they're trained to do all your chores. Then you'd just be the epitome of everyone's envy. If they're "monkeys" strangely resembling the general shape of a "man", then you'd just be all the ladies' envy.
They're trained monkeys that look ike Brad Pitt.
Well, that's better than trained Brad Pitts that look like a monkey.
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