Hannukah and Christmas - An explanation for my non-Jewish friends

DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4225

Hannukah and Christmas - An explanation for my non-Jewish friends

First off, I'm not gonna bore you with religious stuff. If you want, the Wikipedia will explain it all. This is a shade more light hearted and a Henny Youngman style of diction should be used when reading this. OK?

1. Christmas is the same day every year: December 25th. Christians love this day, and so do Jews. It's a paid day off and we get to go out for Chinese food, go to the movies and dance Israeli folk dances. Hannukah is 8 days. It starts on the 25th day of Kislev (whenever that falls) no one seems to know.

Jews never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Hannukah starts forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida) or other Jewish funeral homes.

2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat.

3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos, etc. Jews get practical presents, books, etc., and mostly gifts for the children.

4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah, etc. (in Hebrew there's only one way to spell it, not that it helps us any explaining why there are so many spellings).

5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Hanukah.

6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.

7. Christmas carols are beautiful...Silent Night, Come All Ye Faithful. Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?

8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful like the sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.

9. Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes (potato pancakes) on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages.

10. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee and Mattatiahu whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.

11. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur (The Day of Atonement)? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. Better stick with Chanukah. However you spell it.

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WOM

There are times I wish I could believe again. Being atheist is lonely

You believe in yourself don't you? You believe that your friends here have faith in you don't you? You have faith that if you are in need of someone to talk to you can find them here don't you?.....You are not an Athiest if you believe in any of these. I believe there is something bigger than ourselves, call it what you will, but I believe that spark is in all of us and can be shared with those in need. No doctrine involved, no rules, just love for one's fellow man (person).

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Quoting ImStein,

reply 25

I believe there is a greater deity, whether it be God, Alla, Budda etc....it is a shame the humans can ruin something beautiful.

I'm not going to say what I'm thinking, because I wouldn't really wish this condition on anyone. (BTW, Buddists don't believe Buddha is a deity, he was just an example of how to master the world).

You believe in yourself don't you? You believe that your friends here have faith in you don't you? You have faith that if you are in need of someone to talk to you can find them here don't you?

Not always. I kinda feel like I have to hide who I really am, or I'll end up austracized. It's not that hard to do online (shield the unacceptable parts of my personality), but in real life, I don't have any friends. I don't have anyone except my husband and my kids who will help me out with things, or go out to eat with me, or watch a movie with me, or visit me if I ever end up in the hospital.

I don't want this to come off as whining. I don't mean it as a pity party, I just know that when I belonged to a church, there were people who would help us move, and people who would bring over food when I came out of the hospital after my kids were born, and now I'm on my own. I suppose I could pretend I believed and join a church and go through the motions, but I just think that's wrong. It's not in me to fool people like that, especially having seen how much they're being fooled from the top to begin with.

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Look for a Universalist/Unitarian church in your area. Look them up online and look at their open doctrine. Anyone is welcome. It just might be what your looking for.

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DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4225

Well, I for one would never ostracize you. I would however support any group that did.

You know I was joking...I hope.

This is getting entirely too serious!

Lighten up, bretheren! This thread was meant to make folks happy and to make them laugh, remember? You'd better! There's a quiz later!

We support each other and what we believe (on our own) is best kept private anyway.

It is enough not to act towards others as we would not have them act unto us.

I will support my friends (and others) here as best as I can without the hope of exceeding Zubaz's karma level (LOL...as if that were possible for mere mortals).

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Quoting DrJBHL,

reply 4

It is enough not to act towards others as we would not have them act unto us.

That only works if some of us aren't masochists.

OK, BACK to the party! "They....tried to do something to us, I'm not big on the details, and it was a big deal, we survived it, LET'S EAT!" (Doc, hope ya don't mind I took your saying and altered it to fit my own personal needs).

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DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

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Karen....guess what? I support you!

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Quoting DrJBHL,

reply 6

Karen....guess what? I support you!

I'm grateful for your support

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Me too Karen

I feel really lonely most of the time, like nobody exists that feels the way I do.. if that makes any sense, sometimes I wonder if I really exist

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DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4225

Of course you do! People write responses to you and think about you....If someday you manage to overcome your agoraphobia, you'll see how many say hello and smile to you!

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I know Doc, but my level of anxiety is so high, my own Doctor dumped me as a patient because he said he can't help me lol, maybe scientists should study me and the insomnia hehe, it's 1am, and I bet I don't sleep til about 5 am, that's when it's REALLY lonely and you truly feel like you are the only one that exists.. or is awake anyway

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My favorite Chanukah band is David & the High Spirit. The “Real Complete Happy Hanukka Party” made it on the “Best Chanukah Music” list! http://www.ranker.com/list/chanukah-music/christmas-music

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DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4225

I enjoy them too... i'm amazed Jewish music is still such an active field...I hope I'm not overstepping when I wish you a "Chag Sameach".

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DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4225

Holiday Bump

A year has come and gone....and tonite I light the first candle, again.

I will be thinking of all my friends here, and I wish you all a happy Holiday season....

Link to the Hanukkah and Friends Holiday Suite

Link to The WC Community Holiday Suite

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Happy Hanukkah, Seth.

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DrJBHL

Join Date 04/2002

+4225

LOL... I was just adding the link to the Suite!

Thank you, sweety (Suitey?) ...... you little Pastafarian, you!

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Doc, I've just spent two days putting up Christmas trees (3), lights - indoor and outside plus numerous seasonal ornaments and geegaws, santas, snowmen and snow women. Presents to wrap yet - who invented grandchildren??? Oh for Hannukah with it's 7 candles! Happy holidays Doc.!