Oh TG.......

  This kind of cat?

[URL=http://www.picamatic.com/view/1621586_Doc/][/URL]

Barb says:

My my you're quick Doc!!!!

My pic is back, the Vampire one is gone lol

Dat's da one Doc!  

Good night kids!!!

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past
year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
 
I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
 
Or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the
bacteria on the lemon peel.
 
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.  Nor can I
sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened
on it since it was last washed.
 
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the
number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
 
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
 
I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a
public bathroom.
 
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope
that needs sealing.
 
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
 
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
 
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.
 
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
 
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
 
I won't touch margarine, as it is just one molecule away from being plastic.
 
 
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
 
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
 
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains, nor do I drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make
these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
 
I can no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car
so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
 
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
 
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.
 
Neither will I go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
 
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.
 
I won't shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American
troops or the Salvation Army.
 
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,
 
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
 
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.
 
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but my own because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
bites my butt.
 
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the
parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
 
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown
recluse and my hand will fall off.
 
 
 
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 14,000 people in the next 14
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 1,000 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second
husband's cousin's beautician...
 
Have a wonderful day....
 
Oh, by the way.....A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy
study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read
their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
 
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE...I'M BROKE!!



Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open.. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.' I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a really good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.... What part of 'broke' don't you understand?'

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.
 

good ones guys!!!  Here's another....

My wife
Two guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.

The first one says to the other, "Sorry about that, I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn’t watching where I was going."

The second guy says, "What a coincidence, I’m looking for my wife too, and I’m getting a little desperate."

The first guy says.

"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"

The second guy answers, "She’s tall, with red hair, wet blue eyes, long legs, big firm breasts, and a tight butt.

What does your wife look like?"

To which the first guy replies, "Never mind, let’s look for yours."

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. 'Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day." "Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?" "Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."

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If I ever have twins, I'd use one for parts.

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A Jewish man is walking on the beach when he discovers a bottle containing genie. He rubs it and a genie comes out, promises to grant him one wish. He says, "Peace in the Middle east, that's my wish." The genie looks concerned, then says "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Some things just can't be changed. Do you have another wish?" The guys says 'Well...for my whole life I've never receievd oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says "How would you define peace?"

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A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five." "Fifty five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two." "How’s you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter: "We added up your time sheets."

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An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back ‘"Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

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Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?"