And I'm so much worserer when I've had a few shandies... like tonight.

I'm not passed as a pirrot or anything, but I'm happy.

Now, back to business....

If Stone-Age man was responsible for the wheel, who was responsible for the road rules back then and were hasty cart drivers issued speeding tickets?

As for the spare tire, could I use it as an excuse to go to be earlier cos I got tired out quicker? 

Here we call 'em tyres... so's we know the difference.

Now here's a question!  If Goodyear cut down 3 rubber trees to make one car tyre, and one rubber tree makes 100,000 condoms, would they be considered more environmentally friendly if they went into condom manufacture?

Did you know that most men equate wearing a condom to showering with a rain coat?

So, if 1,000,000 condoms are sold quarterly, are they purchased for the intended use or used as wallet decoration.... gags or decorations at office X-mas parties?

Did you know they were tyres before illiterate colonialists called/spelt them "tires"???

Now, if a baseballer carries a bigger bat into the game, is he accused of cheating or taunted for making up for short-comings in the 'pants department'???

Here in Oz STD is Subscriber Trunk Dialing.... long distance direct, no operator connection fees.

The thing is, I could never convince a silly old codger neighbour of that.... he always put on a condom before ringing people in other parts of the country.

Do you think team wives/girlfriends might have a problem with it... you know, false advertising n' all???

Same here!  But on a slightly different tangent... do base-ballers grow old or do they just lose their balls?

Would I be entitled to compensation for not having as much fun in my old age, or do I just get some vitamins to assist???

As for that urinal... I'd get stage fright... especially with the Jennifer Aniston look-a-like bending down for a closer look.

So, if you were busting and the closest public lavatory had CCTV cameras to help prevent vandalism, you you just walk out and go elsewhere, or would you hide under an umbrella and go anyway?

If a batman rerun was on TV, would you watch it or prefer to go outside and watch the grass grow?

Did you hear about the famous rock n' roller who wore a sock down the front of his pants?

Yeah, a groping female fan pulled it out and asked if he had another foot down there.

Are you's done??

Did you find the graffiti interesting and were there any phone numbers that'd interest me?

Hang on brother, almost.... just finishing up the paperwork.

So, you didn't stand at the urinal to see where all the big nobs hang out?

Can that contortionist look up her own skirt, or isn't she quite that double jointed???

Did it start with a capital P ????

And this contortionist.... is she versatile enough to do cartwheels?

Withe regard to NOT going to the 'toot', if you added up all the time not spent in there, do you think it would be enough to get through the midday matinee when War & Peace was showing... or not???

What about this, then.... a waste products absorbsion pill???

                                                                 ^

                                                         spell checker says that's wrong.. but I don't give a toss.

Yeah, and a little burp, or maybe a big burp?   And your good for 1 week. Proven healthy, I would invest everything I have on that!

Oh, in conclusion one never gains weight! 

Spongey are the new found relatives you'll meet.

Do they make mufflers for that, or do you have to bury your face in your armpit to quieten the sound?

Shouldn't you get DNA test to be sure?

A bit like the applicators for home enema kits, do you think????

Do you think Dracula burps after guzzling down a pint or three?

The other thing about Dracula, do you think he worries about whiplash and accidentally biting his tongue??