All right, this is part two of the trilogy I'm writing. The first part was Altaria' Last Stand. https://forums.galciv2.com/176275. I've written a summary of part 1, but you may want to read the actual story if you want more details.
Okay: Here it is.
Prologue
At the end of Altaria’s Last Stand, Admiral Jim Ebyon had fled back to Earth to escape the powerful Dread Lords, and the Evil Drengin Empire. The Terran Alliance, along with their allies, the Arcean Empire, and the Altarian Republic, had been fighting the Drengin and their allies, the robotic Yor Collective. The Terran Admiral James Ebyon, along with a leader of a rogue fighter squadron, Jordan Locke, uncovered a Drengin secret about a plan for an attack on Altaria, the capital of the Altarian Republic. James (called Jim) and Jordan raced back to Twilight Station, which orbits Earth to deliver the important news. At a conference, the three civilizations formed a plan to defend Altaria.
As their time together goes on, Jim becomes more impatient with Jordan. The reckless academy graduate says and does things that contradict Jim’s beliefs. One day, Jim loses his temper at Jordan and insults him. Jordan then leaves. Jim’s first officer and friend, Altos Carniss, an Altarian, inquires about Jim’s loss of control. Jim doesn’t respond.
When the Drengin and Yor finally arrive, they learn that the Drengin leader, Lord Kona, had managed add more ships to the attack fleet, bringing the number of attack ships past one thousand, outnumbering the defenders three to one. Nevertheless, the defenders charged forward. Shocked by the braveness and ferocity of the attack, the Drengin nearly retreat. However, the massive battleship Lord Kona’s Pride appears, and goes on the attack. The Drengin reorganize themselves, and pound the defensive fleet. Despite the heroic efforts of Jim and Jordan, the defenders are pushed back farther and farther.
Then, a fleet of Torian Confederation ships jumped into the system, and attacks the Drengin as part of their long awaited revenge for their enslavement. With the odds evened, the Terrans and their allies begin to regain their strength. A giant flash then appeared, and then the evil Dread Lords, long thought to be extinct appear in the system, and start attacking everything. Both fleets are destroyed. The survivors scatter.
After a chase back to Earth, Jim and Altos learn that several Dread Lord attacks were pushed back, but the Drengin used this distraction to destroy the Terran Alliance and its allies. The Arceans were occupied. The Altarian Republic and Torian Confederation went into semi-seclusion. Earth had built a giant shield to protect itself, the plans for which were given by a mysterious individual called Draginol.
The shield was quickly raised, but it had consequences. Jordan was trapped outside of Earth, along with a small fleet. With Drengin approaching, he had no choice but to flee. Jim wasn’t sure about what Jordan would do, but he had a feeling Jordan would attack the Drengin as revenge for destroying the Terran Alliance. The burden of discovering how the Dread Lords appeared, and how the Drengin were able to defeat the Terrans, now falls on the shoulders of Jordan Locke.
Chapter 1
Jordan Locke slumped in the seat of his personal fighter, watching the galaxy go by. It had been a long time since the remains of the Terran Alliance had raised a shield over Earth to protect themselves from the Drengin. But those morons forgot one thing: He wasn’t inside yet! And now, here he was, stuck with a small fleet of ships. Well, it wasn’t that small. Three Altarian heavy carriers, two Terran battleships the size of small cities, and various other ships really wouldn’t be considered small if you weren’t thinking in numerical terms. Jordan didn’t care. As long as it was strong, and could win major battles, he was fine with it. But still, he wondered why he was fighting for the Terrans, and leading this fleet. They shut him out of Earth. And Jim Ebyon, he was probably responsible. Wanted to get rid of me that bad? Oh, Jim is gonna pay for this one…, Jordan thought. What ever happened to Jim? One day he was starting to accept different kinds of people, the next he screamed at them. Idiot…
“Jordan?”
Jordan stopped thinking about the past and switched his radio on. “Zane? What’s up?” Zane Noverson was one of Jordan’s fellow academy graduates. He was in Jordan’s fighter squad, until he took refuge on one of the battleships. When Jordan took control of the fleet, he chose him for the position of first officer.
“We’ve got some news on the Dread Lords. Connor has been doing some hacking into the Drengin supercomputers, and we think we’ve found out the reason for the Dread Lords appearing. Head to the Independence. Sorry to interrupt you’re pleasure flight”
“It really wasn’t a pleasure cruise; I was both patrolling and thinking. I’ll head over there now. It sounds important.”
Jordan took manual control of his fighter, and steered toward the ship Jim Ebyon used to command.
WOW!
Just finished "Altaria's Last Stand" (a goodie) and now wanted to continue, but, as I see it, this is a pretty long story.
So, better take a nap, and start tomorrow right away.
Finished. I read the whole night, it's already dawning outside. What a page-turner!!!
In the beginning I thought what the heck this Jordan is the most unsympathic protagonist ever, but then, after he met Ordo [btw latin?] he became more and more mature, and in the end, evolved into a great character [akin to Kirk from TOS.] an ardent warrior with a high sense for all situations around him.
Another great plus is the fact that the story maintained a good level of excitement throughout the middle-parts until the end. Because always there were some factors where I couldn' t guess how the story would evolve any further, there seemed to be so many possibilites. Esp. the role of Ordo was a great mystery. But why not? In-game the Yor's ethical alignment is 25, thus, they have a chance going neutral - and that's much more realistic a 'sentient PC' is doing (it would be "rational") as being evil (whatever that means...)
Just one thing... in the beginning is something written about bacteria & spore. Actually, plants form spores, not bacteria. But nevertheless, how the DreadLord's ship were being defeated with their own weapons gave me a good laugh (that was really well written...) and a brilliant idea. It reminded me of a text I´ve been reading some 10 years ago about certain spores who are about the only "organic" thing that could survive in the icy 0G environment of empty space - although in stasis, of course.
Gonna check out your other stories by tomorrow. Hope you're still keeping it up - I fear GalCiv3 will take some time.....
Thanks for the feedback. I'm currently working on some brief prequels (called "Origins"), which will provide some character background. I'll be starting work on Part 3 soon.
Thanks again!
This was an excellent read General-a rip roaring ride from start to finish and it was great how you developed Jordan from quitea childish unsympathtic character into a hero
Am looking forward to origins-well done!
Glad you finished it, mambaman. I'll work on Origins after my school finals are done, as I have a 4-day weekend.
General.
just finished reading all of your chapters.
VERY GOOD.
thank you for continuing the presence of strong AARs regardless of forum activity.
Your stories continue to push others towards the same excellence.
cheers mate.
You humble me.
Yup I would also agree with le Admiral-I think the 3 of us have done much to keep these AARs going-well done all of us <pats backs>
The evolution of Jordan was done brilliantly. I hated him to start off with, now I emphasise with him. Still don't like him though
I'm looking forward to part 3, and the origins.
We've got to include Muuurgh in the list of the greats. The Iconian Dreamer is one of the best I've read so far.
Absolutely though I guess I was thinking more of longevity than anything else but agree Muuurgh's story is superb (as is Namus's and a faid few others)
Working on Origins, our favorite Yor is going to get an update.
Ordo's origins are finished. Check them out here. https://forums.galciv2.com/358555
Let's wait until I've finished a single story before handing out any plaudits?? It's easy to start a story, not so easy to finish it! The damn ending keeps changing on me, but I'll get it sorted soon.
It's still good. Don't worry.
Does anyone have any plot predictions for Book 3?
Coming soon: Book 3: Redemption, Resurrection, Retribution
i've just finished reading book 2... hurry with book 3 man, i hate leavin a story hanging lol.
very good read though.
It has begun.
For those of you who didn't click on the link above because you didn't know what it was, it leads to the Redemption, Resurrection, Retribution
Thanks! I've hit sort of writers block with the third story, but I should have a new post up soon.
I agree with the guy before me... this was a fun read and a drastic improvement from "Altaria's Last Stand". Don't get me wrong, that was a good AAR (or fanfiction, giving that this isn't actually based on a game)... but this was a great one. Jordan was superbly developed from an obnoxious jerk into a natural leader (but still a jerk...) and your other lead characters were creatively done as well, especially Ordo. Loved the whole "evil Altarian" thing as well... not every member of a "good" race is good or evil race is evil.
BTW, I know you're continuing the sequel... but whatever happened to Origins?
I wanted to focus on the sequel. I have several half written Origins stories going, so when I finish them I'll post them.
Redemption, Resurrection, Retribution has another chapter up.
Yep. I'm suspecting Dread Lord influence behind Tresia. The invulnerability thing's hella suspicious and that sort of behind the scenes manipulation would be very much their style. Which is kind of a shame because it lets Jordan off the hook for what WAS a cold-blooded assassination of a political figure - it was just luck that it didn't ignite a Terran-Altarian war (I was reminded of the assassination event in the game and wondered if it was a deliberate allusion, actually.).
A minor niggle: Referring to a character as "African-American" leapt out at me. That's a term that, if it's even still used in the unified Earth of the 2500s, is unlikely to be applied to a character who quite probably has never even been to earth. It's especially glaring since you referenced the fall of America earlier in the story.
This is a great story, and I thought the idea of turning the Korath's spore ships on the Dread Lords was just genius. I also second the people who say your writing is just getting better and better.
I'm looking forward to reading the third part, but I need to complete the Twilight of the Arnor campaign first to avoid spoilers...
Thanks for pointing that out. In the edited version on my system, it was changed to African, but I just changed to "dark skinned" on both online and offline scripts because it makes more sense in the time period of the story.
I never was actually thinking about that mega event while writing, but things do affect the mind subconsciously. I'm not answering questions involving Tresia and any outside influences, but there was a line I cut about Tresia and a few of her associates diving behind a table to protect themselves. Still, a plasma grenade, can do a lot of damage..........
Thanks for reading my stuff, but I've really had no inspiration to finish RRR, but I will be doing the final battle scene sometime. When GC3 is announced (it will come, I know it), I'll start again when everyone gets excited and pays more attention to fan fiction.
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