Cap'n starkers is Birthday Boy of Borg.....wishing you the Happiest of Birthdays and many Happy Returns!!!!

I be Recipient of Borg....All gifts in the bag to the left. The blue one with the red trim and a hole in the bottom. Assimilations will commence when B'Day boy Starkers removes the curried cabbage. Implants and curried cabbage are a bad mix.

I am Meteorologist of Borg....Extreme weather alert. High winds of the brown type. All persons are to stay indoors with A/C on high. Risk of terrible flatulence is expected. More at 00:01 GMT.

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After:

I am Drill Sergeant of Borg... if you think obstacle course and crawl around on your belly to keep your head below the gas cloud, you have a good chance of survival... stick your head up and it's likely to get 'blown' off.

I am Gomer Pyle of Borg.... but sergeant, couldn't we just walk upright and put propellors on our helmets to blow the gas cloud upwards?

I am Sergeant O'Rourke of Borg... if Corporal Agarn takes off his boots, a curried cabbage gas cloud will be the least of your worries.

I am Surgeon of Borg... so, starkers of Borg, while we're removing your gall stones, do you want us to implant a larger exhaust to more quickly disperse your curried cabbage gas?

I am starkers of Borg... being I consume copious quantities, could you implant  a second exhaust... without mufflers.

I am Surgeon of Borg... If I implant the mufflers, Mr Uvah of Borg, the curried cabbage barks may not be quite as deafening, but the stench will certainly still get through.

I am Curious of Borg... if you only closed one nostril during a curried cabbage attack, I'm wondering, would your face turn blue down one side, and green down the other???

I am Chef of Borg.... despite Collective complaints, curried cabbage will remain on the menu.... the Borg must have a tactical advantage in its quest to conquer the Universe.

I am Grand Chancellor of Borg... if curried cabbage MUST remain on the menu, could not the Surgeon of Borg modify the Collective of Borg with nasal implants to filter out those noxious gases?

I am Queen of Borg... anyone letting one rip in my chambers is gonna get their anal implant ripped out.... like anyone familiar with: "I'm gonna rip you a new asshole."?

I am Captain of the Guard of Borg... can I be excused from the ripping me a new asshole bit?  Although I eat copious amounts of curried cabbage, I wash it down with a couple of cans of air freshener.

I am Sergeant At Arms of Borg.... please don't be fooled by that, my Queen, it may smell slightly of roses, but the Captain of the Guard of Borg still putrifies the barracks on a regular basis.

I am Tapdancer of Borg.... orright, who's the smart arse who polished the chrome so I'd slip in the sink???

I am Sherlock Holmes of Borg.... it's elementary my dear 7of11, it was 9of10.... I'd recognise those skid marks anywhere.

I am Watson of Borg.... but Holmes, how can you be so sure it was not starkers, whose notorious for leaving skid marks?

I am Inspector Poirot of Borg.... it is obvious to me that the skid marks were left by a trouserless man, and my prime suspect is Malcolm Fraser, the former Prime Minister of Australia.

I am Inspector Clousseau of Borg.... no, no, you are all wrong!  Eet was ze Pink Panthere, 'ose anal implant 'as become 'ow you say, faultee.

I am The Pink Panther of Borg.... I was in 7of11's bed so could not 'ave been in her sink.  Ze sheets might need changing but I did not leave skid marks in ''er sink

I am George Bush of Borg.... to clear this mystery up, I'll own up.   It was me! I left the skid marks in 7of11's sink because I'm full of 'it' and I got caught short by a sneaky one... again.

I am Bill Clinton of Borg.... Bush, you're a hypocrite!  You complain about the stains I left in the Oval Office, but what you left in 7of11's sink is disgusting.

I am Hillary Clinton of Borg... Bill, if you don't butt out of this I'm gonna tell everyone you still have little 'accidents' at night and that's why we sleep separately... among other reasons.

I am Dr Kinsey of Borg... Mrs Clinton, those are not 'little accidents' your husband is having.  He has extraordinarily high  testosterone levels and those are uncontrolable night 'emmissions' that many virulent men experience when there are no interns available... it is perfectly natural and nothing to worry about.

I am Data of Borg.... being a synthetic android I can NOT be implanted, but if you could fix me up with 'one' like John Holmes I'd be more happy.

I am 7of 9 of Borg.... you get something like that, Data, and I'll have Scotty beam you down to New Zealand.

I am Jean luc Picard of Borg.... don't worry, 7of9 of Borg, Mr Data will NOT be getting THAT implant, I have reserved it for when we reach Amazonia 1.1

I am Janeway of Borg.... why Jean luc, why disn't you say something before, I'm sure we could have made beautiful orbits together.

I am Fuzzy Logic of Borg.... that is illogical.  The Vulcan mind-meld is far more effective than the JH implant... and Cap't Janeway, being where my mind is right now, you and I have a lot of melding to do.

I am Scotty of Borg... Mr Spock do you want me to change the warp drive where you're mind's at right now... it'll save having to see Dr McCoy for Viagra?